If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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