Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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