yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
