i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's blow job season.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
