Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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