her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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