she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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