at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
