I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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