Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
