6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
