He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
