my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
