I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
