Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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