I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
