i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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