i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
