The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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