u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
