And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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