3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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