note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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