Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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