remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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