also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
