i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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