Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
