I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
