it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
