I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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