dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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