i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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