Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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