I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
