piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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