can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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