Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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