i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
