I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
