Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
