well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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