All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
