Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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