I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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