I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
