i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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