obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
