tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
