Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
