I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
